The Life List of

Alex DiRe

 
  • Get into MIT

 

  • Graduate from MIT

 

  • Get a PhD in physics or math

 

  • Become a college professor

 

  • Discover something

 

  • Learn French well enough to tell the French how annoying they are

 

  • Insult a celebrity on national T.V.

 

  • Personally tell Tom Cruise to stop jumping on furniture

 

  • Take over the world so that I can slap all of the previous world leaders

 

  • Get married

 

  • Have kids until I am sick of kids and then put the extras up for adoption

 

  • Publish something

 

  • Dodge the draft

 

  • Graduate top 5 in the class

 

  • Get a 5 on all of my ap exams

 

  • Train a monkey to beat up creationists

 

  • Teach President Bush how to say nuclear

 

  • Live in the city

 

  • Get better at guitar

 

  • Say something really smart that people remember

 

  • Tell a little kid that Santa Clause isnít real

 

  • Pass my road test

 

  • Be the successful child in my family

 

  • Meet George Carlin, Bill Maher, and Jon Stewart

 

  • Be there when AJ punches Kaplan in the face after one too many math jokes

 

  • Be there when Vicky punches Kaplan in the face after one too many Girl Scout jokes

 

  • Grab Donald trumpís toupee off of his head and run around with it, and if itís not a toupee then sorry Donald

 

  • Drop the host of survivor off in the middle of the desert